Projections

17 Feb 2011 1 Comment

by welandscape in life

 

I’m frustrated today for several reasons.  Primarily my father is… on edge which is putting me on edge.  Now I live here, in his house and I am so grateful for that.  I can’t currently afford rent on my own in this region and living with my dad is a reasonable alternative.  It has it’s downside like no privacy what so ever, quiet hours, and loss of certain freedoms which I don’t necessarily mind.  I’m not a party person so not being able to have those doesn’t bother me, and I don’t bring alcohol into the house out of respect for his sobriety.  He does charge me rent, but is pretty lax about it when I don’t pay it.  When I got laid off money got even tighter and I haven’t paid it for a while. 

In the winter he doesn’t have work either, he works all summer and saves up his money to make it through the winter.  He does odd jobs throughout the fall and spring to supplement but basically the economy here is dead in the winter and so are we.  However, my dad has an amazing knack for putting his frustrations on everybody else.  Maybe I’m not saying this right… take the worst day you’ve ever had… how many people did you snap at?  That’s my dad when he’s stressed.  He doesn’t ‘snap’ so much as criticize EVERYTHING that you do.  Everything.  It’s really frustrating. 

Today I made a pot of coffee and stuck it in a jug in the fridge for ice coffee.  I like ice coffee.  He was frustrated by that because I shouldn’t brew a pot of coffee for ice coffee I should use left over coffee for that.  Uhm… what difference does it make seriously? Is a pot of coffee used for drinking not the same whether you drink it hot or cold? (I drink it both ways mind you) I think coffee is coffee no matter what.  Anyway, that’s what started it, then he got on me about all the bills that are rolling in and how I should be giving him more money.  Now… I don’t have a TV, I don’t use the cable, I don’t use the house phone, I mostly just use the internet, hot water and groceries.  I’m okay with chipping in, I’m okay with paying rent, but it’s not my fault he has taxes due and credit card bills is it? No. So when he starts complaining about them and then turning it around on me I feel like saying, I know I have all those things due as well plus your rent and no income.  I just want to say HEY! I’M IN THE SAME BOAT! STOP BLAMING ME!

Anyway, that’s only my current frustration because I have no money and am wondering how I’m going to get gas to get to school until my next unemployment check comes in.  That’s a stressful situation when you can’t pay your bills let alone get gas to get where you need to be.  The last thing I need on top of that is him complaining about what a burden I am because the last thing I want to be is a burden.

Meanwhile… I haven’t lost a goddamn pound despite working my ass off at the gym.  What gives? Pretty upset about that.  School is going fairly well… I’m currently caught up on all my homework until Tuesday but I have two tests tomorrow in my hardest class that I should be preparing for. I’m on here instead.

That being said I’m going to leave you with a little Valentine’s Day video from me to everybody I’ve ever tried to love. lol.