I would really appreciate your input! All recipe types are welcome.

Please send your submission to: dragonfly3085@yahoo.com

Thank you!

It’s been a while since I blogged, the reason being was because I had nothing to blog about! I was tired of feeling tired, hopeless and sad. I felt like every blog I had was complaining or devoid of real emotion or power.  What’s the point of even blogging if that’s what you’re putting out there?

Today I was driving through an old neighborhood of mine and as I tend to do, I was thinking… I was thinking about my life; here, and now. Well folks, guess what?

I’M HAPPY!

Truly, honestly, happy. For the first time in a LONG time, I am happy.  Everywhere I am at in life is just genuinely happy. So here is a little update on where I’m at in life. It’s been a while since I last blogged so I can’t quite remember what you know and what you don’t so some of this might be a repeat.

I am no longer with CVS – WAHOOO! After five years of putting everything into it and just not feeling satisfied no matter what I am gone and couldn’t be happier about it. Technically I was ‘let go’ but it wasn’t a legitimate cause, and I really could have fought it if I wanted to but… I didn’t. I spent four months on Unemployment and going to school.  It was liberating, since I’ve always been such a hard worker, but it also made me feel like a scumbag.  Finally, I got a position working with the Board of Health for the County and now I inspect restaurants and pools and the like. I don’t love it, in fact the public health sector is not at all what I want to do but… It’s a job and I’m not complaining.  It’s only seasonal and soon I’ll be transitioning to a nice desk job I’ve already secured.

I am in a very loving, very happy, very serious relationship.  His name is Ben, and he’s amazing. We live together and I’ve NEVER, EVER, been happier.  As cliché as it is to say, (and I hate to say it) It just feels right. It’s really amazing how happy I am with him.  I’m not happy BECAUSE of him, I’m just happy, and he’s happy, and together we’re happy.  This is an important lesson I learned in life. To be happy on my own and not to seek happiness in other people!!! Anyway, this is a picture of Ben & I at the Red Sox Game we went to… ISN”T HE CUTE?! I just love him. I feel so blessed to be a part of his life and vice versa. 

He also has a daughter, she’s amazing too and I’m absolutely in love with her too. How lucky am I that I get to fall in love with two people? I just feel so, so very blessed.  This is a picture of her with one of the chicks we had. (We had six, we are down to zero now. RIP Chickies! The raccoons are well fed in our neighborhood )

She is two and a half, for her birthday I made a Mickie Mouse Cake that was a big hit with the whole family! I think it came out pretty good, what do you think? It made me want to go into the bakery business so now that’s some sort of side fantasy of mine. Open up my own bakery. If you’re local and want me to make you something, let me know… I’ll see what I can cook up!

I’ve also gotten back to basics if you will, what I mean by that is that I’m me again. I listen to country again, I’m riding horses again, I’m just doing things I LIKE TO DO, and not doing things for everybody else but me.  It’s amazing.  I never thought I’d get back to the barn, I had spent so much of my life there and then just kind of stopped when I got married.  I justified it as not having enough time, or enough money, or that I needed to focus on saving my marriage.  All of those things sound logical enough but I hadn’t spent any time on me so when things fell apart, everything fell apart with it.  Anyway, I’m back at it.  Largely in part to Ben, who’s family has welcomed me with open arms and I am now at their barn regularly helping out with chores and taking care of the horses. That’s a picture of my “Spaghetti” as we call him.  He’s a love bug, and my favorite of the three that are there.

Well… that’s all for now. I’ll try to update this thing a little bit more often now that I’ve got things worth reading.  

I’m frustrated today for several reasons.  Primarily my father is… on edge which is putting me on edge.  Now I live here, in his house and I am so grateful for that.  I can’t currently afford rent on my own in this region and living with my dad is a reasonable alternative.  It has it’s downside like no privacy what so ever, quiet hours, and loss of certain freedoms which I don’t necessarily mind.  I’m not a party person so not being able to have those doesn’t bother me, and I don’t bring alcohol into the house out of respect for his sobriety.  He does charge me rent, but is pretty lax about it when I don’t pay it.  When I got laid off money got even tighter and I haven’t paid it for a while. 

In the winter he doesn’t have work either, he works all summer and saves up his money to make it through the winter.  He does odd jobs throughout the fall and spring to supplement but basically the economy here is dead in the winter and so are we.  However, my dad has an amazing knack for putting his frustrations on everybody else.  Maybe I’m not saying this right… take the worst day you’ve ever had… how many people did you snap at?  That’s my dad when he’s stressed.  He doesn’t ‘snap’ so much as criticize EVERYTHING that you do.  Everything.  It’s really frustrating. 

Today I made a pot of coffee and stuck it in a jug in the fridge for ice coffee.  I like ice coffee.  He was frustrated by that because I shouldn’t brew a pot of coffee for ice coffee I should use left over coffee for that.  Uhm… what difference does it make seriously? Is a pot of coffee used for drinking not the same whether you drink it hot or cold? (I drink it both ways mind you) I think coffee is coffee no matter what.  Anyway, that’s what started it, then he got on me about all the bills that are rolling in and how I should be giving him more money.  Now… I don’t have a TV, I don’t use the cable, I don’t use the house phone, I mostly just use the internet, hot water and groceries.  I’m okay with chipping in, I’m okay with paying rent, but it’s not my fault he has taxes due and credit card bills is it? No. So when he starts complaining about them and then turning it around on me I feel like saying, I know I have all those things due as well plus your rent and no income.  I just want to say HEY! I’M IN THE SAME BOAT! STOP BLAMING ME!

Anyway, that’s only my current frustration because I have no money and am wondering how I’m going to get gas to get to school until my next unemployment check comes in.  That’s a stressful situation when you can’t pay your bills let alone get gas to get where you need to be.  The last thing I need on top of that is him complaining about what a burden I am because the last thing I want to be is a burden.

Meanwhile… I haven’t lost a goddamn pound despite working my ass off at the gym.  What gives? Pretty upset about that.  School is going fairly well… I’m currently caught up on all my homework until Tuesday but I have two tests tomorrow in my hardest class that I should be preparing for. I’m on here instead.

That being said I’m going to leave you with a little Valentine’s Day video from me to everybody I’ve ever tried to love. lol.

I did not do well on my Biology quiz today.  I studied, I had the general concepts but I’m pretty sure I messed up half the terms.  So frustrating.  Oh well, better luck next time I guess.   AHHHHHHHHHHHHH so frustrating!

I’ve decided that I want to get my License to Carry.  I don’t think I’d actually carry it with me but it’s a course that I’d like to take, and I’d like to be a gun owner both for target (do any of you remember when I used to instruct archery?) and also just to be a gun owner.  It’s an important amendment that I do support so why not take the leap.  I’ve e-mailed a few local places to check out the LTC course so we’ll see how that goes.  I’m excited though. It’s something that would be fun to do and an empowering way to blow off some steam. (At the range people!)

I’m still feeling pretty lonely although I’ve been keeping busy.  I did get asked out on a date but the person who did the asking is just… I just can’t believe the irony in it.  I’ll probably go because I have no excuse not to, but I don’t see it amounting to much. ha-ha is that horrible to say?  Sorry but it’s true… the circumstances are just too odd/great/insurmountable.  We’ll see what happens though, maybe I’ll be wrong. 

I just got back from the gym… I almost punched out a high schooler… good thing I didn’t.  More on that at my other blog.  I’ve got to do some serious OSHA homework now though. Boo. Thanks for stopping by friends!

I am SO sick of this winter. Every time I think I am pulling myself out of this winter funk depression I fall right back into it.  It’s like a hiding hole in the ground…. a trap set up for me to walk right into.  Blindsided I end up weeping in the aisles of TJ Maxx for no damn reason.  Okay maybe not weeping, but seriously getting bummed out.

School is going well.  My previous frustrations with Chemistry in Biology still stand, but I think I’m getting better.  I feel confident about it and my goal is to make the dean’s list.  All I need is to keep my GPA above a 3.0 (which it is already) and I should be in.  I am unbelievably irritated at the all new ‘Environmental Technology’ program they keep advertising.  Revamped and full of wonderful classes for the nations fastest growing major.  Yeah… that’d be great and all if five of the classes that are required to graduate with that degree were offered.  I’ve written five e-mails to various faculty and administrators expressing my concern.  In order to get an Associates in Science degree there is a detailed course listing.  They are required in order to get the AS degree otherwise you’re looking at an Associate in Arts which is less technical and not as coveted.  Five of those courses haven’t been offered in over a year and a half.  How are these students supposed to get this wonderful program degree you keep bragging about?? hmm??? Anyway, I finally got an answer from the college president and she said she’d forward the message to somebody else.  Not really an answer if you ask me. 

I still feel like I’m missing important connections in my life.  My friends are here, but not really because they don’t live nearby and the ones that do aren’t really that close of friends.  I keep trying to make connections and plans with people but they never seem to pan out.  It usually ends up being “yes, lets definitely get together! I’ll call you next week with my schedule!” and then I never hear anything.  It’s frustrating, and lonely.    Relationship wise is similar situations.  The people that are interested are no longer my type… (they once were though, and boy I would have been in romance heaven if that was still the case)… they are just heading down completely different paths than I am.  I’m looking for somebody who can offer me more than what I’ve experienced before. A future maybe, a job would be nice to have in a partner although I can’t be too critical on that one considering I just lost mine.  I don’t know… maybe I’m being picky now but I think it’s good.  It’s keeping me from settling just so I don’t have to be lonely. I am, however, lonely.  Valentine’s day doesn’t really help with that matter.  It’s singles awareness day, and all the love and gushy stuff are going right over my head.  I’m trying my best to keep my head down and not notice the hearts plastered all over everything.

I’m exhausted lately.  Depression sign numero uno I think… at least for me.  I’m not doing much, gym, school, volunteer, it’s a lot but not for me.  I’m used to doing all those things plus working full time so I don’t understand why I’m so drained all the time.  My nutrition is great so I can’t use that as an excuse anymore either.  I don’t really know what’s going on so I’m just going to chalk it up to winter blues. 

I’m going to go clean/organize something, hopefully that will make me feel better and if I don’t hear from Crystal about the gym by 3:30pm I’m going alone!!!! Thanks for tuning in to the Aimee rant hour <3

I can’t find my motivation.  I seem to have misplaced it… have you seen it?

It’s snowing again.  Another goddamn snowy New England day.  This is the most snow I think we’ve ever gotten.  We usually get hammered with one snowy storm a year, but this year we get a snow storm every week and I’m so so tired of looking at it. Waaah I know, bitching about the weather is the most irritating thing but I’m tired of it. 

My classes are going well, but I need to start understanding Chemistry immediately or it’s going to ruin my Biology grade.  I went to Barnes & Noble yesterday (I really prefer Borders… am I alone in that?) and bought an Idiot’s Pocket Guide to Chemistry.  Hopefully that will help, it’s important that I grasp these concepts if I want to move forward in my career and my education.  I can’t settle for 85’s lol I need a damn A in Biology. 

My language is foul today, sorry I will try to work on that.

I volunteered at NESAA today.  If you haven’t checked them out yet you should, even if you’re not local.  They’re a great organization and I’m proud to be helping them out. I also adopted one of the kittens… pictures to follow, he’s not ready to come home yet he’s still a wee one! I’m so so excited for him to come home. Right now his name is Sunday (wtf? lol) but I think I’m going to rename him to Seeley.  If any of you watch Bones you’ll understand why I’d want my main man to be named after him. hahahaha Check out NESAA on facebook too!

I need to get my butt to the gym, but I really don’t want to.  I’m sore, and it’s snowy and miserable out.  Too bad I took yesterday off, I should have just gone.  This is why I need to go today, because I don’t want to be kicking myself tomorrow for not going today as well. Is it sick that I kind of like being sore?  That means I’m doing something right, doesn’t it? lol

Okay, well that’s all I’ve got in me right now… like I said I really can’t get motivated! That reminds me… I need some new music for my playlists.  If you have any suggestions leave them here as a comment or e-mail me at dragonfly3085@yahoo.com  My playlists are played out!

There are many tourist destinations that are seasonal.  You can’t go snowboarding in the summer and you can’t go to the beach in the winter.  Unfortunately for me, I live in the beach category of destination.  Also unfortunately for me, that beach destination is not one that is south of any kind of warmth meridian, so unless the sun is laying on top of us in the summer… we’re cold. With cold, comes desolation.  Nobody wants to go out, nobody wants to be around.

It’s for these reasons that I don’t go out, also because nobody else does either but I just don’t go out.  Recently, I’m finding myself on the lonelier side of life and ‘going out’ has not appeased that.  There aren’t really that many people to see when I do go out, and should I meet somebody new… they’re the same.  I’m not sure how to make that logical, but it’s true.

Anyway… I wish it was spring, or at least warm out. I’m lonely, there’s nobody around and nothing to do.  I maybe need to start considering alternate locations to inhabit.

I don’t know what it is… maybe it’s winter in New England, maybe it’s just me but lately, every little thing grates my nerves.  I think it’s because of my month of solitude now that I have to go into the general public I’m irritated by the littlest, stupidest things.

Yesterday I went to the grocery store.  In the parking lot I was irritated by the man with the vehicle shopping cart. You know the one… anyway the man was walking his cart back to the store which is fine and dandy. I stopped my car to let him cross even though there is no crosswalk, I’m just a nice girl like that I suppose. The elderly gentleman cranks his cart on two wheels and goes down my right side between the car and the curb and scowls at me! What the hell? I stopped let you cross, now I can’t turn right into the parking lane, and I can’t move forward and I can’t let you cross in front of me because you are so awkwardly positioned between my car and the curb.  It was so bizarre to me and I found myself stewing over it for at least five minutes after he left and I parked my car.

Once inside the grocery store I felt fine enough I guess, (Pinch Me song lyrics popping into your head too?) I grabbed a hand basket, grabbed the onion buns for my father’s pulled pork, made my way to get some blueberries and what not, you know I did the grocery store thing. I saw a family friend and chatted it up for a little while (small town living!!!) and then continued on my way.  I was TOTALLY FINE until I got to the self checkout. 

I like the self checkout because there are never any lines, I don’t have to make small talk with the awkward cashiers, I don’t have to feel frustrated when the baggers put my bread underneath the soda and I can generally keep to myself.  Now I get to the self checkout and I scanned a reusable bag I wanted to buy.  I need a tote to carry school books around and this one was really cute it says “I <3 Earth” on it. For $.99 (does anybody know how to make the cent sign? I like the cent sign, but unless you can insert a symbol [livewriter won’t let me for some reason] I don’t know how to make it) it’s a great deal to carry around school notebooks and books. Anyway, I’m getting off topic. So I scan this bag and I move it to the belt as instructed. Only the belt sensors can’t tell it’s made it to the end so it starts flashing and shuts down and says I have to wait for an attendant.  I have no idea why this sets me off but it does.  I hate when that belt shuts down and impedes my speedy progress. I shift my weight back on my heel, cross my arms and let out a sigh as I look around for help. Body language much? Man I am a wench!

Usually the checkout attendant is standing at the foot of my belt watching my every move but there isn’t an attendant in sight.  The light is flashing, the machine voice is telling me to please wait for an assistance and I’m panicking in my head. I’m honestly considering packing up all of my stuff and fleeing to the next self checkout.  I should tell you that all this is going on in the span of maybe thirty seconds.  I see the attendant hustling over from the customer service desk, I don’t know what he was doing I don’t care I’m annoyed it’s taken him this long to come over. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!?

He comes over and scans his card to clear me for progress and I mumble an agitated thank you and he resumes his position at the foot of the belt.  Hurredly, annoyed at how much time has been lost (all of a minute maybe) I press the “PLU lookup” code that’s usually used for produce, but since I’m a savvy shopper I also know that’s where the button is found for “I forgot my card” and it puts in a store card for you. (Stop & Shop has this, Shaw’s does not!) It’s the top button on the left, and like I said because I’m savvy I can usually do this move in 2 seconds flat and then the computer takes a while to register what button I’ve just hit. 

The machine must know that I’m agitated because I hear the voice say “Enter Amount of Broccoli”  WTF!!!!! BROCOLLI is the button underneath the “I forgot my card” button. I hit cancel, probably with more force than is necessary and go back to the PLU lookup menu, the kindly, awkward attendant timidly steps over and says “it takes a while for the menu to pull up, if you give it a second it will register the card button and that won’t happen.” I feel badly for what happened next. I mumble something to the effect of “I know that” and I feel like the look I gave him probably gave off fire.  I feel so badly for the way I probably snapped my head around to glare.  I seriously want to send an apology card to this poor attendant.  He was literally trying to help but all I could think was “STFU! Who are you to tell me how to use this simple machine!? I know what I’m doing it’s the computer that’s slow and wrong! Not me!” Um who is he? He’s the guy that’s trained to help the people like me when we mess up on these ridiculously easy self checkouts. 

After that he stepped away, I scanned all my stuff and this guy… this guy even after how rude I’ve been comes forward and still bags my stuff in my reusable bag. He bags it perfectly putting the buns on top and quietly walks away.  I realize how horridly I’ve behaved and I collect my receipt and my reusable bag of groceries and I walk over to him and say “Thank you for bagging my stuff.”  I should have said “Sorry I’m horrible in public and treated you rudely, and thank you for doing your job.” but I didn’t because I don’t know what is wrong with me.  Next time I go in there, I’ll be sure to apologize, although it’ll likely be too late and he won’t remember me.

I need to seriously figure out why I can’t behave rationally in public, or why everybody irritates me. Xanax can’t solve everything, I need to figure out how to be socially polite and stop mentally lashing out at people every time they try to make conversation.  Being anxious, or socially challenged, sucks.  One time somebody told me I was SAD and I was like screw you I’m not depressed and she was like no… Social Anxiety Disorder = SAD. look into it. I guess I better start taking her seriously.

That’s my rant for today.  I’ve been avoiding leaving the house because I’m afraid of my own behavior. I need to get it together so I can go out and do my daily tasks.  HAPPY SUNDAY EVERYBODY lol

I’m loving being a student and just a student.  At first I was nervous I would feel lazy not working but I can focus on school.  Today I promised myself I’d do all my homework for the week, but so far I’ve spent two hours on Facebook and getting irritated by iTunes. 

Seriously, I spent forever organizing my iTunes and deleting all the music I didn’t want and it’s been acting funny all week. It wouldn’t open, or it would open and try to run through the setup process or duplicate all of my songs.  So, so irritating.  Today I finally gave up when it wouldn’t open and uninstalled it. Now I’m trying to re-install it which means I’ll have to painstakingly go through all of my music AGAIN.

So I have a mountain of homework to do and I’m actually happy about it. Hopefully I can stop procrastinating and get it done so I can relax the rest of the week.  There’s a party for a friend tomorrow that I’d like to go to guilt-free.

I had a dream about a man last night. I don’t know who he was but it was nice! No sex, just lots of romance and a feeling of complete comfort.  Mystery dream man, where are you? Who are you!? Show yourself  so we can cuddle lol

Anyway, I should get off WordPress so I can do some actual homework.  I have not yet begun to procrastinate!

The job hunt has been mostly fruitless. I say mostly because the fruits of this labor have not been worthwhile.  A movie theatre was hiring for floor staff, which I would have accepted despite the serious demotion in both status and pay grade, but I had to decline because they are closing at any given time to turn into a school.  Sorry but I can’t accept more instability in my life.

My unemployment has finally come through which is a relief.  I’m focusing on school, and I feel good knowing that I’m not completely destitute.  School is going well, I’ve added another class so I’m just over full time.  I like all of my classes so far and feel confident that I can ace them all.  I hope that confidence carries through the entire semester.

I joined a gym and started a new blog. For  more information on that check out my previous post. I feel good about doing something more productive, I was starting to get a little slobular and feeling pretty down about myself.

I’m going to start volunteering for NESAA which is a non-profit shelter for cats.  They’re a great organization and they are the ones who helped me catch the feral cats that live in my yard.  NESAA is currently working on socializing those cats so they can be adopted, but nothing is a guarantee. They might simply be a trap, neuter, release type deal which is perfectly okay.  I greatly appreciate all the help they’ve given me in caring for these sweet cats.  Part of the volunteering is for school credit, but mostly it’s because I want to help and I’m able to help. I’m excited about that opportunity.

Other than that, nothing is new.  I’ve been watching Bones a lot lately… I do love that show. I’ll try to be more diligent about updating here, but mostly life is good