Uh Oh!

I thought I deleted this shit!

 

Find me over at http://chickadee3085.wordpress.com !

Climb to the Top Part 1

Well… I was fired today.  I’m almost relieved because I wasn’t happy there and I know I’ve got a great skillset that can go anywhere. But it’s New England and January so it’s terrifying.  So what did I do with my newfound freedom? I climbed freaking Doane Rock is what I did. When I hit the top I screamed TAKE THAT JOB AND SHOVE IT YA JERKS! Hey.. Passive Aggressive is what I do best.

Here are some photos:

At the base of the rock                At the top!

    

Glacial Formations or… ASTROCRAG?!            That’s my car behind the trees

        

 

Go Ahead and Look Down… it’s not THAT far  

 

                                 History lesson anyone?

 

Library for dolls

360 days to…

I was going to create a bucket list… but that seemed really time consuming and I’m not feeling that motivated right now so I figure I’ll just make a list of things I really want do this year. Ready? Go!

 

• Visit Multnomah Falls, OR 

If you know where I can stay – or if I can stay with you… just let me know I’m there. It’s seriously beautiful and on my list of things I MUST do before I die, and this year works for me too.

 

 

• Take a picture at the top of as many ‘peaks’ as I can

There’s no specifics to this one… If I climb to the top of a jungle gym… I want a picture. Go hiking in the Adirondacks? I want a picture. If I make it to Multnomah… I want a picture.  Only problem is I need either a tripod or a photographer. Hah!

 

•  Find a fulfilling job

Something that doesn’t make me cry, or require a Xanax prescription.  Something that I actually enjoy. Crazy right?

 

• Finish my associates degree

I’m so close! So unbelievably close… I just need to focus.

• Visit the Redwoods

Okay if I’m going to the west coast… I’m going to Multnomah Falls, I might as well kick off the Redwoods off the list too. My brother is having a baby in March so that would be a good time to go visit and tackle this particular bullet on my list.  Photos are necessary. Lots of them.

 

• Wear a bikini!!!!

I lost 50 lbs this year… I’m still not bikini ready but I will be, even if I don’t get to wear it til New Years I’m finding a way to wear one this year. I WILL DO IT.

 

• Give up Coca-Cola

Okay… it was a new years resolution.  It lasted 5 days.  Lets try this again. (Right after the 2L in my fridge is gone)

 

• Go Snowboarding

Last time I went was probably 2000 – possibly earlier.  I have a friend who works at Gunstock so it’d be easy to do I just always make an excuse not to go. I’m going to go, even if I just stay on the bunny slopes. I’ll go.

 

 

…hey check it out my motivation just ran up. More on this later

Stagnant

stag·nant

adj \ˈstag-nənt\

2. : not advancing or developing

 

I feel stuck and unmoving.  No growth, no movement, just a quiet calm that’s settling in and shutting me down.  It’s scary and peaceful at the same time.  

The first part of this post, the definition was written down about three hours ago.  Then this post sat open, not advancing or developing for three hours. How’s that for irony? Half way through that point, despondent with my situation I fell asleep.  When I woke up I told a friend of mine that I feel like a bear.  Since I don’t like to drink or party (my dad says I’m antisocial… I think I’ve just outgrown that scene) I just sleep.  I’ll fall asleep at any point in the day or night, and I wont be tired I’ll just sleep out of boredom.

Hibernating, stagnating.  Perhaps that is my problem… with this season, this New England hell they call winter, part of me shuts down.  Re-evaluates the history lessons and prepares for the growth of spring.  I don’t want to be that way I don’t want to shut down for the winter.  Is it time for a move?  Should I be preparing myself for a new life in another place?  This is a question I’ve been wrestling with for some time now.  The problem is that I love New England.  It’s my home, it’s beautiful for the most part and I’ve grown up here.  That wouldn’t be a problem for most but it is for me because it’s not healthy for me to be here.  My friends have long since left this peninsula and I am here alone now.  Just me and my father and my work.

Oh work… now would be a good time to mention that we have a new manager and he has a long standing history of not liking me on a personal level.  Suddenly I’ve gone 5 years with no disciplinary actions to being on final job warning.  For what? I couldn’t tell you.  Mostly fake complaints called in, a few instances of not performing but those were fake too… the worst part? I can’t go anywhere with it because his superior wants me out for monetary purposes. It’s all really… bullshit.

So here I am at the beginning of New England winter (it’s pouring outside right now at a balmy 43 degrees… it’ll be ice by morning I’m sure) facing unemployment, hours severely cut back (by 12 hours a week!) no friends around and all I want to do? Sleep.

So what do I do? Where do I go from here?  I hate feeling stagnant but I’m not sure of the right move to make yet.  I am a lazy dog watching the world go by without moving her head, when I get tired of that I sigh and fall asleep. 

 

Two roads diverged in a wood… and I … sleep in the tree at the cross section. Time to wake up and pick a path.

1/1/11

How many blogs are titled this today?  I’m guessing a kajillion.  Ok so I didn’t do my awesome birthday blogging.  Do you know why? because I couldn’t formulate thought. Everything I had to say… was no longer relevant because here’s the funny thing… I’m putting it all behind me. All of it.  The past year was TORTURE, there are things I went through that I think no human should ever have to go through but guess what? it’s 2011 and I’m here, and I’m not crying, and I’m not looking back.  Life is what it is and sometimes shit happens and you have a choice, you can choose not to choose but you’re still making a choice.  My choice was to pick myself up, dust myself off, and keep going.  So hey, 2010, go eff yourself and hey, future, what’s up!?

 

I’m 25 years old, I’m divorced but not bitter, and I’m hopeful for the future.

 

New Years Resolutions:

• Stop dwelling & move forward
• spend less frivolously
• pay off some serious debts
• focus on schoolwork
• put myself first
• give up ‘sandwiches’ (HIMYM reference here)
• No more liquor. Ugh. Not a great way to start the new year by the way…
• Stop buying coke! Coca-Cola is not good for you and not that necessary!! (I only write this down every year)
• Learn to say no – you don’t want to go to a party? Don’t go. Sweatpants sound pretty sweet too.
• Blog more frequently

 

 

 

 

Happy New Year everybody!

Quarter Century Marker

Tomorrow – I turn 25 years old.  There’s a post in that somewhere, but I’m not ready to write it yet so for now you get a history lesson on all the awesomeness that is my birthday. Congrats!

 

• December 30th is the 364th day of the year!!!! That’s right people, not the last day of the year, but almost! (Fascinated yet?)
• 12/30/77 – For the second time, Ted Bundy escapes from his cell in Glenwood Springs, Colorado.
• 12/30/06 – Deposed President of Iraq Saddam Hussein, convicted of the executions of 148 Iraqi Shiites, is executed by hanging.
• 39 – Titus, Roman emperor (d. 81) born!

People who share a birthday with me:

LeBron James (Oh you kno he’s bad)

 

Eliza Dushku (Faith!)

 

 

Tiger Woods (Oh yeah buddy, you had a banner year)

 

Matt Lauer (CAN SUCK IT!)

 

Bo Diddley (thank you for that catchy beat)

 

Rudyard Kipling

 

 

Jason Behr (From Roswell! Oh how I had a crush on you…)

The Ice Inside Your Soul

Two videos I’m currently in love with:

 

All Along

 

Jar of Hearts

 

Seriously upset with life in general right now… tired of being told the same story and trying to save the broken men in the world.  Learning a lifetime’s worth of  lessons in one year is not something I’m a fan of at the moment. Sorry for the pity party post I just love these vids.

 

I’m thinking about some new ink… I want to put a heart above my right inner forearm (elbow?) and above my left inner forearm (elbow?) I want to write “Me” in fancy script. It’s sort of a reminder to myself to Love Myself first, everybody else can come after. Love myself enough to know who respects me and what I deserve and what I don’t and love myself enough to stand up to the jerks. <3 Me I like it because it’s how I would usually sign a letter or a note, so it’s like I’m writing myself a note, on my body, reminding myself to love me.

 

Anyway… that’s what’s up in my area. How are you?